Calm, but down

 I don't really feel like writing tonight, but I am so I can better track my mood. Night before last I slept about 7 hours. I was kind of amped up in the morning until we went to look at mattresses. I laid down on a base that massages and I completely calmed down. I'm still calm. I don't think a few minutes of a bed massage could relax me for that long. 

Last night I slept 4 hours again. This time I couldn't sleep because my knee and ankle were killing me. I don't know if it's our old mattress or the weather or what. Today has been a lot different. Usually when I don't get much sleep I feel amped up the next day and have quite a bit of energy despite being tired and I have to work to not let my thoughts race in my head. Also, I'm usually in a better mood. Today was the complete opposite. I didn't get much sleep, but I've been completely calm today and feeling down most of the day. I don't think a few minutes on a vibrating mattress yesterday would cause me to feel this way. 

I've been down most of the day, but my mind was very calm. I feel flat almost emotionless though tears did come to my eyes when my brother told me he got to stay here. It was touching I guess. The past few days at tms I had been pretty animated and very talkative. Today I hardly said anything, just answered questions pretty much. I watched family matters and didn't laugh, I thought the episode was dumb. Tonight I'm having a hard time focusing on anything, but it's like my mind is more blank than usual. I'm not distracted by having too much on my mind, I just am kind of here having a hard time focusing on anything even thoughts. I haven't felt off tonight. At least not so far.