The beginning of my mental health journey was New Year's 2009. It was the day my life changed
forever. From that day forward my life had a distinct before and after. I had had a wonderful New
Year's Eve celebrating the holiday preparing to bring in the New Year until a great night turned
unbelievable. My cousin's fiance was only a couple feet away from me when he put a gun up to his
head and pulled the trigger. He was close enough I could've reached out and touched him. It was the
single most traumatic event I had ever experienced and the most helpless I had felt in my life.
That morning I was told I was handling it very well. I remember just reacting. I took his child out
of the house and waited until help arrived. I was questioned by cops and detectives trying to see if I
had murdered this man or if I was telling the truth. I was told I handled it well in the weeks to come. I
was more or less the strength of my family during an extremely difficult time. I believe I may have
been on antidepressants and sleeping pills occasionally leading up to this point in time.
At that point of my life I was a teacher at a Catholic school. I was not religious at all. I wasn't even
sure if I believed in God. All I knew is I felt the most comfortable when I was with the kids at the
school. I've always felt like it was God's way of protecting me through a very traumatic time looking
back on it.
I recall for the first time in my life actually not only being willing to go, but wanting to go to the
viewing. I had to know if there was a heaven or a hell. Seeing him in his casket and how peaceful he
looked I knew there had to be a place better than this. The last thing he saw was good.
The week following the suicide, I met a very kind, understanding, supportive man. He was one of
the few people I communicated with at that time of my life. Little did I know he would eventually
become my husband, we'd have a child together, and he would turn out to be the love of my life. I have
always given the credit to Ricky for meeting my husband. It had to be him, God, or both, but I know
it was not a coincidence, especially because he asked me where my man was at the night before he
died. My husband has been by my side helping me push through throughout my healing process.
