Catholic church disservice

     The Catholic church as whole really did me a disservice.  My former RCIA leader kept sending me

things on the rosary the days leading up to my hospitalization.  The day I was hospitalized she invited

me to a rosary service downtown.  I was so out of it, it's a miracle I was able to get there without getting

in an accident.  I tried to tell her she had no idea what I was going through.

    She watched my son as I went into the rosary service.  I remember I felt like the priest was talking

directly to me.  So much so that I got up in front of everyone during the middle of the service, went up

to the alter and told the priest I was ready to follow God.  Obviously not normal behavior.  He told me 

that's great, have a seat.  After the service my RCIA leader asked him to bless me so he did.

    Immediately after the service my former RCIA leader took me to the bookstore to meet some nuns. 

There was the Eucharist in the back of the store.  I kept going back and forth between praying before

the Eucharist and going outside.  I felt like I was Mary being pulled in two different directions.  I told

the nun. I thought I was Mary to which she said no you're not.  Still no mention of that's not normal I

think you need help.  She probably just prayed for me or something.  During this time my former RCIA

leader left me and my son there alone stating she was only a phone call away.

    It was very difficult, but eventually I made it back to the garage and found my car.  I got in after I put 

my son in.  I started to drive, but got nowhere.  My son would't get out of the front seat.  He was smiling

so I thought he was playing with my deceased father in law through the windshield.  I called my

husband.  He picked us up.

    My former RCIA leader came to visit me in the psych ward of the hospital.  She obviously 

should have known I was not well.  However, all she ever told me was that she thought I had received a

little extra of the Holy Spirit that day.  I don't even know if that's possible.  In summary, that whole day

leading up to my hospitalization no one, not the priest, not the RCIA leader, not the nun, told me I

needed help so in my mind everything I was thinking and feeling was real.  

    After the hospitalization I visited every Catholic church I could find hoping someone could 

understand what I was going through and possibly provide me with some guidance.  Of course no one

did.  Matter of fact one priest told me thinking you're God is the #1 sin.  Definitely not what I needed to

hear.  Another priest told me to go in front of the Eucharist and pray some our fathers.  Maybe that

helped a little, I don't really know.  However, it definitely would've been more helpful if he recognized I

was sick and prayed with me for exactly what I needed.

    I even went back to the school I used to work at and purchased about $100 worth of script to help the

school.  I said a couple of lines of what I was going through to the parent volunteer in the office.  I 

didn't say anything that was too much, just basically that I had joined the Catholic church and I was

having a hard time. Apparently she told the principal.  It scared the principal enough that she called my

mom and told her not to bring me back to the school.  They weren't grateful I spent my money to help

them or step in to try to help me.  Instead she got scared again like she had when I told her I witnessed

the suicide.

    Looking back I wish I would've tried some other churches, different denominations.  Maybe someone

else, a pastor, could've been more helpful.  However, I was so stuck on all the truth being in the Catholic

church, and being a new Catholic, it didn't even cross my mind at the time.  As a result of my

experiences I became really turned off from any kind of religious anything and fell away from God and 

the church entirely.